Self-belief can make the difference between success and
failure, but losing it is easy. Resiliency in leaders comes with confidence in
my ability to achieve goals and overcome obstacles, along with the humility to
take negative feedback as an opportunity to learn. Although I will have doubts
at times, my confidence encourages me to cultivate the skills of mental
toughness, like setting stretch goals, taking risks, and making decisions.
The two components of self-belief are:
Self-esteem, which
is the respect and trust for the self, and
Self-confidence,
which is the belief in being successful in a given situation.
Self-Belief = Self-Esteem + Self-Confidence
While self-esteem is not controlled by external factors and
erodes only slowly, self-confidence is easily swayed by external pressures and
can quickly rise or fall. Even though they react to the environment
differently, self-esteem and self-confidence are linked together so that one
can influence the other. High levels of self-esteem keep self-confidence high
as well, even though it may still fluctuate. On the other hand, low self-esteem
causes self-confidence to stay at relatively low levels.
It takes time to raise low self-esteem to the strength and
resiliency needed to keep consistently high self-confidence levels. One of the
most important steps is to stop taking feedback personally and instead using it
constructively with the understanding that it does not reflect personal worth.
Leaders who take criticism as a personal attack can spiral down into a
suspicious and confrontational attitude, making them ignore the advice that
could help them move forward in their careers. This includes self criticism…don’t
take it personally…learn and move on.
Successes and failures are part of the foundation of
self-esteem, but fully understanding the causes behind both is key to keeping a
realistic view and avoiding becoming overly negative. The underlying causes of
successes and failures can be rated on two continuums: a “source of control”
dimension that runs between internal and external sources and a “changeability”
dimension based on whether the cause is constant or variable.
Four common reasons for success or failure that fall into
the quadrants of these continuums are:
Personal
ability (internal and constant),
The amount
of effort dedicated to the task (internal and changeable),
The
difficulty of the task (external and largely constant), and
Luck
(external and changeable).
Attributing all four causes with a value representing how
much each contributed to a specific outcome helps leaders understand how they
think about their self-worth. Taking
deserved credit for success that resulted from internal, controllable sources
and not dwelling on failures caused by outside, variable sources is a key step
in building self-esteem.
Many leaders downplay major achievements, but recognizing
success is such an integral part of building self-esteem that leaders cannot
afford to forget victories. It is a good idea to write down successes or use
some token to keep them in mind over time, like displaying degrees or awards in
plain sight. While celebrating their successes, leaders must remember that their personal value comes from their
personal characteristics and abilities as a leader, rather than
circumstances or luck.
Perfectionism causes unnecessary stress and lowers
self-esteem by focusing on minor failings and diminishing accomplishments.
Nobody is perfect though, and the unrealistic expectations created by
perfectionist attitudes are incompatible with maintaining healthy self-esteem.
Three strategies that help overcome perfectionism are accepting mistakes,
setting achievable goals, and realizing when perfectionist attitudes are taking
over and quickly changing them.
High-pressure situations can overwhelm the self-confidence
of even the toughest leader and make them panic if they do not have strategies
to adequately cope with the stress. Along with self-esteem, self-confidence
makes up self-belief and needs to remain high for leaders to handle pressure.
Being able to quickly boost self-confidence may mean the difference between
success and failure.
As with self-esteem, remembering successes increases
self-confidence. However, successes from long ago are less effective in this role,
so focus on wins from the past few days or weeks to boost self-confidence in
trying times. Since the events are usually fresh and easy to remember, focus on
using vividly-detailed mental images of the success as a powerful
reinforcement.
Action plans that
only include long-term goals make it unlikely that there will be any recent
successes to focus on. Leaders should try to identify short-term objectives
that can provide “quick wins,” which help build confidence and show progress on
larger agendas. Short-term goals may
include accomplishing daily tasks that need to be performed anyway, but leaders
in tough situations can derive an extra boost in confidence by looking at them
as successes.
When tough times come, leaders can bolster their confidence by considering the
characteristics of the situation they are in and drawing on their experiences
in similar circumstances. Details like the people involved, their traits, and the
physical environment can help leaders refer to their past experiences to
understand how they handled the trouble before. Learning from mistakes and
successes alike also gives leaders the chance to mentally rehearse for
upcoming, potentially stressful situations, leaving them better prepared and
therefore more confident in their ability to meet the demands that will be
placed on them. Negative self-talk
eats away at self confidence and generally strikes people who fall into one of
three categories:
1. The worrier, who spends too much
time dwelling on potential troubles and concentrating on imminent failure.
2. The critic, who judges and draws attention to limitations and failures
instead of abilities and success.
3. The victim, who is ready to give up without ever trying because of helpless
anticipation of situations that might prove to be too tough.
Meeting negative self-talk immediately with positive
responses is the best way to keep self-confidence high. Leaders should rehearse
statements that directly refute negative thoughts, use positive language, focus
on the present, and are believable. Self-talk can also cast in a more positive
light reactions to stress that people normally perceive as negative.
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